Why Do Women Stay In Bad Marriages?

I never met a woman who will not admit that it was in a bad marriage too long. I have requested many recent marriages remained dysfunctional why even though they were not working. While their responses varied the most often repeated is waiting for their husbands in some way would realize the error of their ways and decide to become better men.

This simply does not fit with what I have learned to work with men over 20 years, because a man changes his behavior just because a woman asks. No amount of persuasion or lure a man makes an iota of difference. A woman is unlikely to convince a man that he is the problem, even if he is. No matter what your problems are, anger, abandonment, isolation from others, etc., a man just decide to work on himself when the pain of his dysfunctional behavior becomes so unbearable for him he can not stand more. Unfortunately, this awakening usually comes after her marriage failed. An intelligent woman who knows after his failed marriage knows immediately whether or not her emotional life together, because she knows how and why they ask.

Every day I read articles written by women who are exasperated by the conduct of her husband. Anger or lack of interest in talking about their marriage is the most common complaint of women who can not come to grips with the fact that their behavior is out of control.

What many women do not know is that men do not talk to them about their relationships because they simply do not know how. The playing field is the dialogue that man / woman is so tilted against the majority of men that the conversation is over as soon as it starts. It makes no sense when a woman talks about how she feels about the relationship and the man responds with what he thinks about it. Anything beyond their opening statements is unnecessary since they are using completely different languages. Speaking from the heart and speaking of the head are at opposite ends of the spectrum of dialogue and not much time in the field of play that will give a lot of value.

As a woman who hangs out with a man unconscious while embracing the fantasy that one day wake up and appreciate how wonderful it really is and work on their problems are wasting your time. In a decade and a half working with men I learned that few if any men knew how to access their emotions and even less could talk about them.

Women must accept that men will not change, we will not discuss their emotions and not going to be better husbands until they feel with other men in mind and talk about his demons. Men can help other men learn to talk about their relationships in a language that is constructive and useful.

A woman who stays in a relationship with a man who expects the job done is nonsense. That would do far better to find a man who has done the job or at least on the road. Asking a man if the emotional work he has done is a good question first. A negative answer should be enough for a woman searching. Men who have emotional work are out there, but not in large enough quantities but which might explain why, for the first time in U.S. history, more women are choosing to remain single than marry. It seems that there are many women who have decided to pass on the experience that it is useless to get men to evolve.



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