As a behavioral psychologist and life skills coach, the study of happiness is important to me. Not only professional, though a lot of my clients are in the pursuit of happiness, but also spiritually and personally.
I have a family, the Indian spiritual master, Meher Baba grew up in this type. His best known quote (song used by Robbie McFerrin "Do not worry, Happy") is "Do not worry, be happy I love you more than you can ever love you .." As a child I took for granted the bid, but my faith was tested many years later, when I was going through a divorce in my marriage and subsequent break up. Once I was with Meher Baba's sister Mani Irani when he said to me, "that Baba's message and be happy Do not to worry just a feel-good saying it is a testament to his spiritual master and be . obeyed. you give him, if not by themselves, do not worry be happy. If anything or anyone stand between you and the carrying out of order, you your life or that thing person needs to be removed. "
After having been a strong directed, I had to think about my life and exactly what I was miserable. After a lot of heart searching and honest evaluation I realized that the main reason for my unhappiness at the time but it my expectations of my husband, my marriage and our life together was not. As a behavioral psychologist I knew that I kind of work can get through this. I have a very dysfunctional behavior can be psychologically I would not! So I 'expectations diary keeping began. It is a small notebook that fits in a pocket and a pencil was tucked into the spine. Every time I expected, no mater how small - Toast turn out just as I like it a lot on my way to work would not hit traffic, I will not track mud through the house, son will miss my husband to say I cooked food for the 'Thank you' - I diary, made a mark in a five bar code. If it was a great hope, I wrote something about him, but mostly the book is filled with five-time code. I started well over 750 events a day was expected. No wonder I was miserable!
Day over a period of five years at my expectations after day. My husband did not so we ended up separating and eventually divorced. But I expect between 250 and 150 ended with the day's events. No matter how I try I can not get them down the next. But it worked! I was happier than I ever was. People noticing that I started and had more positive approach to life was a more realistic and they ask how they can get the same results in my life began.
So far I ignored the truth, and only focuses on expectations, but reality in my life how I affected the level of happiness and joy to the conclusion that I almost came to a scientific formula looked at:
Happiness = reality / expectations or H R = / E
There are two ways to increase happiness in our lives. Reduction process was the one I had used, I lower my expectations and my joy increased. But there is another way. Setting and achieving realistic goals more worthy, rich, popular or whatever to become your reality can expand. One of my clients were very high achievers, and was very difficult for them to lower their expectations. So we cut out some of out their more extreme expectations to reality with its expansion was part of a program work. See success only appears to need to change the perspective - for real success - professional development, promotion, major contracts, more business, and money. Back to the apparently successful in his personal life was in seclusion, his achievements look outward - broken marriages, relationships, estranged or neglected, parents and children, lack of true friendship and spiritual core of a hollow failed - and decide if They really wanted to be happy. In them the joy of what they mean enough to sacrifice some of the trappings of material success outside? If they can honestly respond positively, we work together, not if they knew another doctor. Over the years I take real pleasure to have helped a lot of the people, not just for themselves but also people they care about. They in turn spread the message of happiness to others moved on to the formula.
In case you're wondering, "what on earth he expects to do with the diary?" After five years I had collected quite a bit, so I burned them. I have a great time constraints to symbolically saying goodbye to my happiness. There's an arsonist is something most of us that loves a good bonfire, I think.
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Thursday, May 5, 2011
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